In the last month I've doubled the amount of funerals that I've attended in my life. Right now our count of friends & family passing in the last few weeks is at four and we are anticipating the passing of another any time now.

After the funeral services for one patriarch we had a variety of flowers that our family members had taken from the spray on his casket. I collected them all and put them in a vase that sat on our kitchen table. I enjoyed the beauty of the various flowers and colors. I watched it over the next week as some flowers wilted quickly and others were still going strong, and it occurred to me that was symbolic of what we were experiencing. Each individual flower was vibrant & beautiful, but some lasted only a couple days and others were going strong after a week. Some of our loved ones have left suddenly and when they were young, and others have lived long, full lives before their time came.

Earlier this week I was climbing into bed feeling spent physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally, and the specific impression that came to me was that I need to spend time in the garden. I understood that direction to mean that over the next hard while I would be able to cope better as I spent regular time gardening, so the next day I spent an hour or so gathering rocks, picking weeds and trying to beautify our plot. It felt wonderful and I came back inside refreshed and able to do many of the mundane tasks that feel challenging right now. There is something healing in tilling the earth, being a creator and seeing the cycle of life.

This last month has brought change. It's been busy. We've hosted family, we've traveled to be with family, hosted family again, and although it's all been crazy and last minute it's been wonderful to be together. It's reminded me that death is a part of life. It is to be expected, sooner or later, and how we choose to spend our time on earth is important. Each funeral has also brought a healing peace and joy in lives well lived, gratitude for the Savior and his atonement and resurrection, and gratitude for the sealing ordinances of the temple that truly mean that families can be together forever. I have felt the closeness of the next life. I know those who are gone to us really aren't that far away, and they are happy and at peace. God is good and we are so blessed.